The Five Year Plan

More often than not lately I catch myself feeling not quite right. I feel a little... off. I recently went out with some "old friends". The things that they are worried about are so not what I am anymore. When I say "old friends" they are not from that long ago. They are some of the girls that I worked with at a job that I was at about a year and half ago, when my priorities were somewhere else, and I hadn't found a good balance yet. So now begins the struggle that I haven't really ever had to deal with, who am I?

Who am I?

I feel like I am torn between who I was and who I am and who I am going to be. Is this a struggle for everyone? Once I finished high school I made a deal with myself to always be confident in who I was. Always knowing what the next step would be and stick with the "Five Year Plan." I always had it lined out in my head what I wanted to be doing in five years. College, marriage, kids, job, kids, house, etc. I sure didn't think that God was going to throw a wrench in that plan by up and moving us out of state. That was NOT in the five year plan. Since it was a good opportunity for Doug; I can tweak the plan a little. We'll move. I'll get by for a year and pick up where I left off. I thought that when we moved back to KC I would be able to pick up where I left off. I could step back into those shoes and start right back where I was. The question is now, do I want to?

I'm not so worried about going back and pretty much starting over. I've already done that here in Hastings and I feel like once you've done it you can do it again. There is no fear there but there is a little worry about losing what I have come to love so much about who I have become at this point in my life. I'm sure about my walk with God, I'm more in love with my husband now than I think I was when we got married, and I'm sure that I absolutely love being a mom. Moving into this new phase of my life is going to upset that balance.

So what will I do? I sure can't sit and worry about it for two more months. Keeping this in mind I am going to lay it all out for the Lord to tell me what to do next. All I can hope for is that I chose the easy path, even though nothing is ever easy, and fully trust in Him to guide my steps.