The Five Year Plan

More often than not lately I catch myself feeling not quite right. I feel a little... off. I recently went out with some "old friends". The things that they are worried about are so not what I am anymore. When I say "old friends" they are not from that long ago. They are some of the girls that I worked with at a job that I was at about a year and half ago, when my priorities were somewhere else, and I hadn't found a good balance yet. So now begins the struggle that I haven't really ever had to deal with, who am I?

Who am I?

I feel like I am torn between who I was and who I am and who I am going to be. Is this a struggle for everyone? Once I finished high school I made a deal with myself to always be confident in who I was. Always knowing what the next step would be and stick with the "Five Year Plan." I always had it lined out in my head what I wanted to be doing in five years. College, marriage, kids, job, kids, house, etc. I sure didn't think that God was going to throw a wrench in that plan by up and moving us out of state. That was NOT in the five year plan. Since it was a good opportunity for Doug; I can tweak the plan a little. We'll move. I'll get by for a year and pick up where I left off. I thought that when we moved back to KC I would be able to pick up where I left off. I could step back into those shoes and start right back where I was. The question is now, do I want to?

I'm not so worried about going back and pretty much starting over. I've already done that here in Hastings and I feel like once you've done it you can do it again. There is no fear there but there is a little worry about losing what I have come to love so much about who I have become at this point in my life. I'm sure about my walk with God, I'm more in love with my husband now than I think I was when we got married, and I'm sure that I absolutely love being a mom. Moving into this new phase of my life is going to upset that balance.

So what will I do? I sure can't sit and worry about it for two more months. Keeping this in mind I am going to lay it all out for the Lord to tell me what to do next. All I can hope for is that I chose the easy path, even though nothing is ever easy, and fully trust in Him to guide my steps.

Great Friends

What a beautiful day today was! We were blessed this week to have 3 gorgeous days in a row. Sunny and a little wind just to let us know that winter is not quite over. The kids loved to get out of the house. It was like letting the inmates loose! What a great week.

When we moved here I was so sad. I missed my home, my job, and my everyday rushing around. Doug's hours had picked up and he was gone at least 12 hours a day. I had a house full of boxes and no one around. It was summer time so no school parents to get to know. HOW WAS I GOING TO SURVIVE A YEAR LIKE THIS? About a week after we moved here and I signed my kids up to go to VBS at a church in town. That's where I saw the MOPS sign. What is MOPS? Will they like me? How terrible will my kids be compared to theirs?

As I checked my kids in that first day I didn't know I was meeting one of those MOPS. What a friendly smile and a beautiful baby girl. Oh how Clayton talked about that baby girl. He went through a faze that he was totally fixated with babies. Little fingers and little toes. So the first play date I went to, all the faces weren't completely new. How fun was the little splash pool at the park? I didn't even know they had these anymore.

Well it turns out they liked me okay. At least they let me hang around with them. I honestly can't imagine what I would have done with myself this year without my beloved mom friends. They've been there to see how terrible my kids can be and how great they can be. I've watched all the of their children grow in such a short time I feel sad that I can't see how all of them will turn out. I know we will not be that far away but no one will ever compare to you, my friends. Thanks for making these times here some of the best times in my life!